


Reckless Love

by GraySonOfGotham



Series: Not A Monster, Just Not Human AUs [15]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Cat Dick, Falling In Love, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Heavy pining, Life Debt, M/M, Nine Lives, Sad Christmas Fic, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrifice, epitome of stupidly self-sacrificing Dick, no capes AU, shapeshifting dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-02 03:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16779106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GraySonOfGotham/pseuds/GraySonOfGotham
Summary: "One small cat changes coming home to an empty house to coming home."Dick is a cat shapeshifter with nine lives. Sometimes he was a black cat with bright blue eyes, and other times, he was a human male with black hair and the same bright eyes.Though Dick has exceptional powers, he also had an exceptional amount of bad luck. After nearly losing his fourth life on Christmas Eve, Dick falls in love with his savior, a handsome man named Jason, and so, Dick vows not to leave Jason alone until he fulfills his life debt to the man.





	1. The Life Debt

I was a descendent of a cat god.

Or so my mother told me when I was younger, before I got separated from her after losing my first life.

But because of my ancestry, I was different from other cats. I was special. I had nine lives. My mother used to tell me this while grooming my hair. Sometimes she did it in her feline form, sometimes as a human. And I, on the receiving end, usually preferred being in my smaller, cat form. Petting always felt better in that form.

My mother also warned me never to tell anyone – cat or human. She said it would cause great jealousy and possibly fear. They would hunt me down and try to take my lives.

And so, I had never told anyone. I kept my promise to my mother, wherever she may be.

But now, as I lie against the bed, much unlike the bed we have at home, I think back on my lives. They have been good, I believe. I smile softly, pressing myself a little closer to the slow beating by my ear and watching the rise and fall of his chest. I close my tired eyes.

Yes, they have been good. And I owe it all to him.

I met him on Christmas Eve, a busy day among the humans. I used to sit and watch them for hours from the rooftops on that day. Some bustled around looking for last minute gifts, some reunited with family and friends they have not seen in a long time, and there is no shortage of laughter and cheer.

I loved Christmas Eve.

However, on that Christmas Eve, I wondered if my entire fourth life was just one big joke.

Because a few hours previous, on that day, I collapsed in an alleyway. I ended up half tucked away between the trash cans and barely managed to wrap my tail around myself.

I felt weak, and I knew I was only growing weaker. As I was lying here, shivering and wishing for death to be merciful, I could feel my strength and magic draining away.

It had only been a few days ago that I lost the ability to transform into my human form. I worked harder to find food, but I just could not. Each day I went without eating, I came closer and closer to the end of my fourth life.

I curled up into a smaller ball, shivering violently. I could no longer feel the hard snow through my thin, mangled fur anymore, but it did not matter to me. I just wanted it to end. The cold was unbearable, the gnawing hunger was excruciating, and the surely infected wounds from a nasty fight a week ago had rendered my back leg useless.

I let my eyes blink twice slowly, watching the blurry lights of cars zip past the small alleyway and the faint chatter of people fade from my consciousness. The fact that the light dusting of snow was starting to build on me like a white blanket was a strangely comforting thought. It felt like I was being tucked in for a nice, long nap.

But I knew from experience that death was nothing like taking a little cat nap.

As the darkness finally engulfed me, I heard what sounded like footsteps crunching in the snow, drawing closer to where I lay.

~

 _That is the first time death had been warm_ , I thought, burrowing a bit deeper into the softness surrounding me. _Or maybe it was spring time already. Had I really been dead for three months now?_ I stretched lazily, letting out a small yawn. The room was really warm, and I felt comfortable. _Huh, I have never remained dead for that long before._

I finally cracked my eyes open.

No, the source of the warmth was a merry fire burning in the fireplace not too far away from where I was curled up. I could still feel my damp fur and the chill that settled in my bones, but it was dull and faraway now.

I tried to move a bit, but the blankets bundled around me were thick, and they kept my weak body in place. I let out a pathetic mew.

Suddenly, something touched my head. I flinched away and looked up. It was a hand, a human hand.

“Hey, hey, shh…” the human said softly. “It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you.”

I have always wondered why humans say that. I did not automatically assume he was going to hurt me. I was just startled by his touch, is all. I blinked and tried to get a better look at the human man.

He had a kind smile on his face, and his eyes were blue, like mine. I could see the flickering fire reflected in his eyes. He wore glasses, sitting low on his nose. His hair was black, like my fur, and he had a few brown dots on his nose. _Freckles_ , my thawing mind supplied.

He was wearing a red sweater that has strange shapes stitched on them. It was ugly.

He reached out to pet me again, and this time, I allowed it. His hand was warm, and it smelled nice. Like gingerbread and pumpkin spice. I pressed my face up towards his hand.

“That’s it,” he breathed. “Are you okay now? I was so scared that you’d die. The vets nearby are all closed now, and it is snowing too heavily to drive safely. Sorry I couldn’t do much for you.”

I wanted to tell him that he saved my life. It was the greatest thing anyone had ever done for me. But I was still too weak to transform and speak to him in my human form. So I gently licked the palm of his hand. He laughed.

“Are you hungry? Thirsty? I’ll go get you something to eat, okay? I’ll be right back, I promise.”

He stood and shuffled out of the room. I noticed that his slippers were furry and brown with antlers coming out of each shoe. The antlers had bells on them, and they rang obnoxiously with each of his steps.

While he was gone, I glanced around the room. It was his living room. It seemed rather nice. There was a small Christmas tree in the corner, richly decorated in bright ornaments. I had the urge to go bat at them, but I knew that ornaments were delicate. On the mantle of the fireplace, there were several framed photographs. There was a window on the far side of the room, and I could see the flurry of snowflakes on the grey-blue backdrop of a sky.

All in all, it was a cozy place. I let my eyes slide closed once more, feeling the heat seep into my .

The human man had saved my life. Me, a stray cat, curled up in an alleyway on a Christmas Eve. I owed him my life.

I made myself a promise right then and there, and I would dedicate one of my lives to him. I would not leave him alone until I fulfilled my debt to this man.

The man returned. He had an open can of tuna with him. The sweet aroma of the fish made my stomach growl. I tried wiggling out of the blankets but had a difficult time doing so. My back leg screamed out in protest.

The man laughed and knelt down by me. “Hey, easy now,” he said. He set the can of tuna down, just out of my reach. He carefully unwrapped the blanket from my body. I shook myself out before limping to the can of tuna.

It was the first thing I had eaten in almost a week. I ravaged the contents of the can, and the man stroked my back the entire time. After I finished licking my whiskers, I purred loudly and pressed into the man’s hand.

He sat down, crossing his legs, and I took the liberty of crawling into the little space between his legs.

“You’re still a bit wet, and we'll have to get that wound looked at,” he said aloud. “But I think you’ll be fine. I’ll take you to the vet tomorrow, and we’ll see how you’re doing, okay?” He scratched the spot behind my ears. It felt nice. “I have been thinking about adopting a pet… maybe I can adopt you. You seem to like me well enough anyway.”

I purred louder and attempted to crawl under his sweater to show him that I did like him. I wanted to stay with him. It would make it easier for me to repay him.

The man laughed and allowed me to climb under his ugly sweater. He hugged me tightly, relieving the pressure on my back leg, and I licked his chin. He shied away with an amused grimace.

“You’re sure affectionate, huh?” he asked. “Do you have a name? Maybe I should name you. I’m not very good with names though,” he admitted, looking at me. I stared into his beautiful blue eyes. I had a name, but if he wanted to name me, I would let him.

“Um, Blackie? No, that’s stupid. Fluffy… no, that’s even worse. Uh, Nightie?” He made a face. “Eh, that’s horrid. Midnight? That’s… cool, but it sounds like a horse’s name,” he laughed. “Night… cat. Night-kitty?” He huffed loudly. “Whatever. I’ll sleep on it.”

I nuzzled his neck, and he laughed again. I liked his laugh. When he laughed, the sound would travel through his whole body, and I could feel the tremors when I pressed again him. It was nice.

“Alright, I’m going to make up a box for you to sleep in tonight, okay? The stores are all closed now and they won’t be open tomorrow, so I can’t get you a proper bed for a few days.” The man stood up and left me on the pile of blankets. I protested the loss of his body heat.

He came back five minutes later with a large cardboard box, filled with towels and pieces of cloth. There was even a little blanket inside. It looked a bit ridiculous, but my heart swelled knowing he had made it just for me. He was too kind.

He gently lifted me up and place me into the box. “That okay?” he asked. “Sorry I don’t have something more comfortable.

 _It’s much better than sleeping on the frozen ground,_ I thought. He started petting me again, and I turned over to let him stroke my stomach. I stared up at the man, and I knew then that I would give him anything he asked. No one had ever shown me so much attention and love before. No one had ever wanted to adopt me, or help me, or talk to me at all.

Whoever this man was, I loved him.

~

“Shit,” I cursed, sucking on my burnt finger and rushing to the sink. I ran the red tip under the water, wincing silently.

I turned around and just managed to save the eggs from burning. I quickly transferred the pan off the heat and slid the omelette onto the plate. I smiled proudly and turned the stove off. Then, I put some salt and pepper onto the dish, and a bit of chopped green onions for garnish.

I placed the dish onto the dining table and carefully set out a fork and a knife. I poured a glass of orange juice and set it by the plate.

Then, I moved back to the kitchen to start doing the dishes.

I was halfway through scrubbing the pan, when the crash of glass breaking made me whirl around.

It was the man from the night before, standing in the doorway.

“Who the fuck are _you_?” he gaped. “And what the hell are you doing in my house?!”

My eyes widened. “Oh! I’m so sorry for intruding,” I said as sincerely as I could. “I don’t know if you remember, but you saved my life last night, and I couldn’t properly thank you, so I made you breakfast!”

The man’s mouth opened and closed a few times. “You… made breakfast. Who _are_ you again? I’m pretty sure I’d remember if I saved someone’s life last night and brought them home.”

“I’m the cat,” I explained, going back to scrubbing the pan. I set the soapy pan aside and started on a bowl. “I almost died last night, in the snow, but you brought me back to your home… and you fed me… kept me warm… and I’m alive because of you.”

“Y- You’re the _cat_?” The man let out a near hysterical laugh. “I’m having a nightmare. _Please_ get out of my house now!”

“But-”

“No, I don’t care what you have to say! You’re trespassing, and I’m going to call the police if you don’t leave now!”

“I haven’t-”

“Go! Get out of here!” he yelled.

I stopped washing the bowl. I stared at him in despair. Then, I rinsed my hands off and shut the water off. “I’m sorry for causing an inconvenience to you,” I said quietly. “Thank you for taking care of me last night. I’ll never forget your kindness. I’ll leave you alone now.”

I made my way back to the living room, and I paused with my hand on the doorknob. I glanced around the living room once more.

My box-bed by the Christmas tree was empty. I had woken up that morning, feeling good enough to transform. So I did, and I folded up all the towels and blankets nicely inside the box. I put the thicker blanket into the washing machine and then moved it to the dryer. It should be done by now.

I smiled sadly at the box-bed. I wanted to take it with me because it was the first thing anyone, aside from my mother, had given me. But I was afraid it was too much to ask.

I opened the door and stepped out onto the porch.

It was snowing outside, the world a flurry of white and gray. I made my way down the steps of the porch and I could feel the soft snow under my feet. I shivered. My clothes were not meant for cold weather, and I doubted that my fur would be any help. But it was easier to travel as a cat, so I transformed.

I planned to loop around the block and find somewhere to hide nearby. Then, I could keep a close eye on my human. _Maybe I could sneak into his house and help him clean up a bit or do some laundry when he was at work_ , I thought, making my way down the snow covered path. I eyed the gate. _I think I’m still thin enough to fit through here_.

“Wait!”

I paused and turned, my body halfway through the bars of the gate.

The man was standing on the porch. His eyes were wide, staring at me. “Holy fuck,” he muttered under his breath. “I’ve seriously got to be dreaming.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes hard. “Look. Um, I guess you were telling the truth so far? Because the cat I rescued last night is gone, and you really did make breakfast. So, um, if you’re willing to explain again, you can come in?”

I could not believe what I was hearing. _Had he decided to give me another chance?_ I thought. _Oh, please, please! I will be better this time, I promise!_

He groaned. “I’m talking to a _cat_. That’s it. I’ve finally lost my mind.”

I slowly turned around and slipped back through the bars. I padded my way back up the porch and sat down in front of the man.

He stared at me for a few seconds before crouching. “Are you really that- that man that was in my kitchen?” he asked. “Can you understand me?”

I nodded and meowed, not that he would have understood what I was saying.

“Shit, um, okay. And you’re- you’re a cat-man hybrid thing?” he asked.

I just stared at him.

“Right,” he breathed. “Cats don’t talk.” He stood up and stepped back inside. “Uh, you can… you can come inside again.”

I happily pranced past him, giving his leg a little nuzzle as I passed. He flinched and pulled his leg away. _He does not like being touched by me_ , I mentally noted. _I will no longer try to touch him_.

I quickly transformed in the kitchen, before the man came in. I felt slightly dizzy after the transformation. I had to hold onto the counter for some support for a few seconds.

The man appeared in the doorway once more. He jumped the slightest bit when he saw me. I made sure to keep my stance as passive as possible.

I knew, however, he could probably overpower me with little effort. I was not big, nor was I very strong as a human or a cat.

“Sit,” the man said, nodding at the dining table.

I made my way over cautiously, not wanting to scare him again. I sat down in the seat farthest from him. He also sat down slowly, still eyeing me with distrust.

“So, what are you?” he asked. “A cat? A man? Both? Neither?”

“I am a shapeshifter,” I said simply. “But I only have two forms. This one, my human form, and the black cat, which is my feline form.”

“And- And you can shift between these forms whenever you want?” the man asked.

“Sometimes,” I said. “Shifting requires a lot of energy. Last night, I could not shift because the last bits of my energy was focused on keeping myself alive. I would have thanked you verbally if I could.”

“So you nearly died last night? And I really saved your life?”

I nodded and gave the man a shy smile. “You did,” I confirmed. “And I wish to repay you.”

The man pulled a face. “Nah, there’s nothing to repay. I mean, I couldn’t exactly let some poor animal die out in the cold like that. Especially not on Christmas Eve. That’s just heartless. And, uh, how's your leg?”

I smiled a little wider. “You were one of hundreds that passed me last night. And my leg has better now that I have the energy to heal myself. Thank you.”

“Look, man, it was nothing. You made me breakfast. That’s sufficient, I’d say.”

“No, I must repay you!” I exclaimed. “ _Please_. Let me repay you. I don't have money, but... I can cook and clean and take care of any mundane affairs.”

The man sighed. He rubbed his eyes before staring at me again. “Fine,” he grumbled. He frowned at me. “Where do you live?”

“I don’t have a home,” I said. “It doesn’t matter though. I can just find some hole to duck into at night and come back every day to help you!”

The man frowned deeper. “There were so many things wrong with what you just said,” he said. “First, you don’t have to come back every single day. Second, you’re planning on just sleeping in a hole somewhere? In the middle of winter? In Gotham?”

“I have survived winters in Gotham before,” I said calmly. I did not tell him how close I come to dying every year. “I don’t mind it so much. Sometimes, I just imagine that the snow is like a blanket, and after a while, I stop noticing the cold.” I smiled brightly at him. He did not smile back at me. “And if you don’t want me around so often, I can come every other day, when you are not at home. You won’t even see me, I swear.”

The man’s frown only grew. “That’s not-” he sighed heavily. He rubbed his face yet again and groaned, muttering under his breath. He finally glanced up again, looking haggard. “Look, you can- you can stay here with me for the winter. I have an extra room, and you can just, I don’t know, cook, clean, whatever you want to do to ‘repay’ me.”

“Oh, no!” I said, alarmed. “I could not do that to you! I could not stay here if it makes you uncomfortable!”

“I can’t just throw you out onto the streets!” he snapped. “Do you know how bad I would feel? Look, just- just for the winter okay? Gotham’s winters are harsh, and this year has been bad. So just do me a favor and stay. At least then I would know you didn’t die, especially after I went through all that trouble to save you.”

 _He’s right_ , I thought. _I must stay here and help him. It will be easier if I lived with him_.

“Okay,” I finally said. “Thank you for your kindness. I don’t deserve your compassion. I will do everything I can to repay you.” I suddenly remembered the unfinished dishes in the sink. “Oh! I must go finish washing the dishes!” I stood up, and immediately, a wave of dizziness washed over me.

I stumbled and fell. I banged my elbow against the table and cried out.

“Shit, you okay?” The man was by my side in a flash. He helped me up. “What the hell was that?”

I smiled weakly. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Just a bit dizzy. I transformed three times in the past couple hours, and it’s really drained my energy.” I stood up and had to hold onto the wall for support.

“How do you recharge?” he asked.

I took a step forward, still hanging onto the wall. “Sleep helps, but mainly eating.”

“Then why don’t you eat anything? Sit the hell back down, and you eat the food you made,” the man said. He tried to tug me back to the table.

“But it’s yours!” I protested. “I can’t eat that. I made it for you!”

“Where’s your share then?” the man asked.

I shook my head again. The movement made my head protest. I would not be able to hold this for more than another hour probably. I could probably take a nap and feel a little better. “I didn’t make myself anything. It was your food.”

The man glared at me. “Are you fucking stupid?” he asked. “Go sit the fuck down.”

He was angry. I made him angry. Shame filled me, and my cheeks flushed. I shuffled back to my seat and I sat down. The man stomped to the kitchen and grabbed an empty plate and a set of utensils. He glared at me as he cut the plump omelette in half. I winced as he shoved half of it onto the empty plate and set it down in front of me.

“Eat,” he demanded. “And don’t you dare argue with me. I can’t have you passing you out on me and nearly dying again.”

I swallowed hard. I hesitantly picked up the fork and the knife. “Sorry,” I whispered. I slowly cut into the omelette, watching as the steaming filling spilled out. It smelled delicious, but I could barely bring myself to eat it.

 _You shouldn’t be eating this. It isn’t your food. If you keep taking from him, you’ll never be able to repay him, even if him give you all of your lives._ I bit down and forced myself to chew, chew, swallow.

When I looked up, I noticed that he had started eating his share. I watched nervously as he swallowed.

“How is it?” I asked. “I don’t cook much, so I’m not very good at this whole thing, but-”

“It’s good,” he said, nodding. He seemed to be relieved by the change in topic to something more trivial. “The onion is a bit raw for my taste, and I think the bell peppers are cut a bit big, but it’s okay.” He smiled a little. “It’s good though.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry about the onions and the peppers,” I said. “I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

“It’s perfectly fine!” the man assured. He smiled a little helplessly. “Sorry, I’m a food critic at the _Gotham Gazette_ , so I kind of just critique things without thinking about it. It’s delicious though, trust me.”

“Okay,” I said, but I kept his words in mind. It would be useful the next time I cooked for him. I would have to try a little harder. I smiled though. He liked what I made.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

I looked up in surprise. “I thought you were going to name me?”

He snorted. “I thought I was naming a stray cat, not a human. Well, human-cat.”

“You can still name me, if you want,” I said.

“No, that’s fucked up. If you have a name, that’s what I’m going to call you.”

“Okay,” I said slowly. I took another slow bite of my food. It did taste good. I smiled a bit more. “Um, my mother named me Dick. Short for Richard.”

The man blinked at me for a few seconds. “Okay,” he said. “Dick. I’m Jason.”

“Jason,” I repeated, trying his name. A flush of happiness flowed through me. I knew his name. He _told_ me his name. I grinned. “I like your name,” I said shyly. “It- It suits you.”

Jason’s eyebrows rose slowly. “Oh, well, thanks, I suppose. I like your name too.”

I was positively beaming.

That was the best Christmas of my four lives.

~

I hummed happily under the breath as I worked, mopping the floors with an old mop I found in a closet in Jason’s house. Jason was currently at work in downtown Gotham. He told me he would not be home until later because he was going to dinner at a new restaurant with a couple friends. He made me promise to eat without him.

It was late afternoon by the time I had finished mopping. I was immensely proud of myself. I had skipped lunch, but I was not particularly hungry anyway. I had a lot of work to do before Jason returned.

I did not want to be working while Jason was in the house. It might bother him.

I was returning to the kitchen when I passed the three flower pots sitting on the ground by the door to the backyard. I had noticed them a few days ago. They were three tomato plants, and they looked well cared for. The vines of the plants wove around a metal trellis that connected all three pots together. There were several bright red tomatoes growing on the plants and a few green ones.

I put the mop away and filled a cup with water to water the plants. I did not see the stray towel on the ground, and I slipped.

The cup flew out of my hand and clattered onto the ground a few feet away. The water spilled all over my newly mopped floor, but that was not what horrified me the most.

I had knocked over the plants.

Two of the three plants had toppled over, the dark earth spilling onto the tiles of the kitchen floor. Bright red seeds spilled out onto the ground, crushed under my body weight.

I quickly scrambled backwards, ignoring where the metal trellis had cut open my arm. I pushed the plants up, horror filling my entire being as I saw where the main stem of the plants had snapped.

“No, no, no,” I whimpered, trying to put the stem back onto the plant. It just fell off limply again.

Tears filled my eyes. _Jason is going to be so mad at you. You’re not helping him at all. You’re just causing him more trouble._

I sat by the plants for the rest of the day, cradling a bruised tomato in my hands. The sound of the front door opening made me jump to my feet. Jason was home.

“Hey, Dickie, I’m back!” The door shut. I heard Jason tossing his keys onto the counter by the doorway, and he took his coat and shoes off, in that order. I heard him toss his laptop bag onto the couch, and he finally started towards the kitchen. I braced myself for his arrival.

“Did you eat yet?” Jason asked as he walked in. He froze when he saw the plants.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. I could feel the tears burning the back of my eyes again. “I’m so sorry, Jason! I was- I was trying to water the plants, but I tripped and- and- I’m sorry, Jason!”

Jason walked over slowly. He slowly bent down, staring at the plants with a dazed expression. After a long time, he took a deep breath and forced a tight smile. “It’s okay,” he said.

“But you loved those plants!” I said, wiping at my eyes. “And- And I killed them…”

“It’s okay, Dick,” Jason said. He stood up and sighed. “They were… a present from my girlfriend. Ex. Ex-girlfriend,” he corrected with a silent wince. “We broke up a few months ago, and this is the only thing she let me keep.”

The dread grew inside me. _I killed the only thing that he had left of his girlfriend. He must hate me now_.

“I’m sorry,” I croaked.

Jason shook his head and gave me another fake smile. “I should… I should probably try getting over her anyway.” He forced a laugh. “They’re just tomato plants anyway, right?” He glanced at me. “What happened to your arm?”

I glanced down. It had not bled much, but there were smears of blood down my arm. I quickly hid it behind my back. “Oh, it’s nothing,” I said quickly. “I’ll go clean it as soon as I clean this up,” I said.

Jason nodded. “Okay,” he said. He glanced at the plants again. “Don’t… Don’t throw them away, please.”

“I won’t,” I promised.

He nodded. “I- I think I’m going to go take a shower and go straight to sleep tonight.”

I let my head drop. _He can’t even stand to see you tonight._ “Okay,” I said. “Good night, Jason.”

“Night, Dick.”

I did not move until I heard the shower start running. Then, I made quick work of scooping the dirt back up into the pots. I straightened the trellis and wiped my blood from the edges. I threw away the crushed tomatoes and quickly swept up the dirt I could not scoop up with my hands.

I took off the apron I had been wearing all day, folded it, and put it away. I washed my hands, watching as the red blood flowed down into the sink.

Then, I went back and sat in front of the tomato plants. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, putting my hands on the snapped stems of the delicate plants. My magic stirred within me.

_Revive the plants, and Jason might forgive you. He’ll be happy when he wakes up the next morning and sees that his plants are alive again. You want to make Jason happy, don’t you?_

I felt the magic rushing through my fingertips. The stems under my fingertips started sewing itself together again, stronger than ever. I felt tomatoes swelling and growing by my hands.

At the same time, my conscious was slipping. I opened my eyes with the last of my strength, and saw that the two plants were thriving once more, even stronger and healthier than the third, unharmed plant.

Then, the darkness slammed into me, and I collapsed onto the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my Christmas (or New Year's, if you don't celebrate Christmas) present to everyone! A cat shapeshifter fic with fluff and angst and all the tears you should unload before 2019.
> 
> This is also the first time I'm writing in first person this year, so kindly tell me if I wrote "Dick" instead of "I".
> 
> And I'm going to selfishly start asking for my Christmas present now as well. Pretty, pretty please leave me a comment to tell me what you thought! I wanna wish y'all happy holidays individually and tell you guys how much I appreciate you! <333


	2. In Hot Water

I was only gone for an hour and a half. By the time I opened my eyes and got back up on my feet, it was nearly midnight. I glanced up at the beautiful tomato plants. I felt proud of myself. I had never given a life for _plants_ before, but these were special plants, important to Jason, so it was worth it. Given that they were plants, however, I did not have to give my entire life. I only gave them half, which meant for the rest of my fourth life, I would have to spend it as a cat.

I stretched and flicked my tail lazily. There was no way I was going to be able to do cook or clean for Jason until I died and came back again, so hopefully the tomato plants would make up for that until then. I started towards the living room, but as I passed the kitchen window, I noticed that I had forgotten to shut the window. I leapt onto the counter and peered out the open window.

It was one of the windows that opened outwards, so I could not close it unless I went outside and pushed it closed. I sighed internally and stepped out into the empty window box. I put my front paws onto the back of the window and pushed. It was heavy, but after a bit of straining, I managed to close it. I heard the _click_ of the lock sliding into place, and suddenly, I was alone outside.

I jumped down from the window box. I glanced at the gloomy sky. The ground was wet from melted snow, and the icicles on the porch had seemed much smaller. There had been an unpredicted bound of sunlight, so a lot of the snow had melted. But the clouds had come back. It looked like snow.

I did a quick run around the perimeter of house. I found a little hole under the back porch. I poked my head through the hole and peered inside. It looked like an abandoned home of some small rodents or something, perfect for my purposes of curling up for the night. I squeezed through the tiny hole, barely fitting at all. It was a bit of a struggle to turn around again so that my head was facing the little hole. It was a bit of a tight fit, but I could deal with that.

I stared up at the gloomy skies and shivered a little bit.

 _I can’t do much in this form, but with some effort, I could probably accomplish some small tasks,_ I thought to myself as I blinked slowly, feeling the fatigue wash over my in lazy waves.

I let myself slip off to sleep.

It rained that night. There was a lot of rain, and the excess water flowed into the little hole I had been sleeping in. I woke up in the early hours of the morning with water surrounding me.

I panicked a bit, and I tried to scramble out of the hole, but the hole was muddy, and I could not get a good grip on the ground. The hole continued to fill. By the time it was up to my neck, all I could hope for was for the rain to stop.

But the thunderous downpour continued.

I lost the second half of my fourth life that night.

~

“…Oh, fuck. Dickie?”

_Was someone calling my name?_

“No, no! You were inside last night!”

My body was eased out of the cramped space I was squished in. I was laid out on the cold, muddy ground. I could not bring myself to move.

“Oh, Dick… _fuck_. Fuck!”

_Yes, that was my name… and that is Jason’s voice. Is he angry with me? I’m sorry, whatever I did._

“What were you _doing_ outside? Why couldn’t you just- just transform and open a door and come back inside? I-” Jason cut himself off.

_I couldn’t open the door. I couldn’t transform. I’m sorry._

I felt the tingling of my magic returning to me. I felt a bit more energized. I worked hard to open my eyes. My tail twitched.

“Holy shit! Woah, woah, hey, are you _alive?”_

I was rolled onto my back, my head tilted back gently by a hand.

“I really hope I don’t have to do CPR on a cat,” Jason groaned. He pressed his fingers to my chest, feeling for a heartbeat.

 _Don’t worry about me! I’m okay. I’m alive._ My ear twitched, and with a bit more effort, my eyes fluttered open.

The gray sunlight was too bright for my eyes, and my mouth felt dry. The worst part about dying was coming back to life. Everything sucked then. I let out a weak meow and rolled over. I had mud all over my body, matted into my fur. I looked up at Jason. He gave me a tired smile.

“You’re okay,” he said. “What happened to you?”

I could not tell him. I was stuck in my cat form for the next twelve hours. Instead, I just shook my head and gave him a soft meow, hoping he would understand.

“I don’t understand _cat_ , Dick. You’ll have to transform and talk to me,” Jason said with a touch of frustration.

I let my head drop and gently nuzzled his hand. _I’m sorry, Jason. I want to tell you._

“Do you not want to tell me or something?” Jason asked. He huffed and stood up. “Fine, whatever. I don’t care. If you’re going to be difficult, you can deal with… whatever by yourself. I’ll be home by eight.”

I sat there and watched as he turned around and went in through the back door. He closed the door behind him.

_I made him upset again. You’re not very good at repaying him, Dick. You need to do more to gain his favor if you want to stay._

I stayed outside, lying on the porch all day. I heard Jason leave the house, and his car backed out of the driveway not long after. Twelve hours passed slowly. I mostly slept, huddled on an old rocking chair. I reminded myself to wash the cushion later because I got mud all over it.

Twelve hours later, I finally felt the surge of energy and magic that allowed me transform back into my human form. I immediately did so. I stepped into the house and took a quick shower, ridding myself of the mud in my hair.

I washed my clothes and the cushion outside. Then, I started on dinner. I made a bit more food than necessary, since I did not make Jason anything for breakfast or lunch.

I finished the things I did not complete yesterday. I lit a fire in the living room, and I cleaned up Jason’s room.

I made his bed, and tossed the clothes from yesterday into the laundry basket. I finished up dinner and waited for Jason to return.

He returned a few minutes before eight. I was on my feet immediately.

“You’re back!” I said. I met him at the door and took his coat.

He frowned at me. “You don’t have to do _everything_ for me, Dick.”

I quickly backed away. “Sorry, sorry,” I said. I remembered that he did not like being touched. “I, um, I made dinner.”

Jason toed his shoes off and kicked them into the corner. He started for the living room. I quickly straightened his shoes and followed him.

“Did you eat yet?” he asked. “Did you eat at all today?” He gave me a sharp glance.

“Oh, don’t worry about me,” I said. “I caught a mouse in the afternoon.”

“You- You ate a _mouse?”_ he asked, disgust blooming onto his face. “That’s not the only thing you ate, is it?”

“I- I have been busy,” I said. “I will eat after I finish the chores. I just need to scrub the bathrooms today.”

“You seriously think I believe you’ve been doing chores all day?” Jason snorted. He dropped his bag onto the couch and started for the kitchen. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you slept the day away, actually.”

I ducked my head guiltily. “I’m sorry! I did not know how else to utilize the twelve hours during which I could not transform. I will do more tomorrow, I promise!”

“I wasn’t trying to _guilt-trip_ you, Dick,” Jason said, frowning at me. He rolled his eyes at his plate of food. “Are you trying to fatten me up, or something? There’s no way I’m going to eat all this. Grab yourself a plate and sit. And what twelve hours?”

I winced internally at the thought of Jason pushing a share of his food towards me again. He always gives me half or more. But I grabbed a plate, as he ordered, and I sat down by him. He shoveled half of the food over onto my plate.

“I cannot possibly eat this much!” I said, gaping at the sheer amount of food.

“Of course you can,” Jason countered. “You’re a full-grown man. And it’s _still_ considerably less than what I have.”

“I already ate,” I tried again.

“A fucking _mouse_. I didn’t even think there were mice running around at this time of year, seeing how fucking cold it is!”

“I didn’t say it was running! I sniffed it out. It had died, froze, and defrosted last night. And I didn’t want it rotting in your yard, so I… ate it.”

“You’re avoiding the topic. Why don’t you eat, Dick?” Jason asked, spearing a brussel sprout viciously.

“I do eat,” I muttered, also tentatively beginning to eat the food on my plate. “Just not much. I’m a _cat_ , Jason. I don’t need to eat much.”

“You said transformations take a lot out of you, didn’t you? So shouldn’t you eat more?”

“I-” I quickly shut my mouth and sighed. “It’s your food, Jason. You paid for it. I can’t just… take it, especially when I should be able to find my own food.”

“Where are you going to find food, huh? In the trashcans that the homeless have yet to scour through? In the sewers where all the rats are hiding? Are you going to go begging to some butcher until he chases you out with a meat cleaver?” Jason asked, sounding frustrated. “I don’t care if you eat the food I buy. It’s not like I have a shortage of money,” he snorted.

“Oh,” I said. “Okay. Sorry.”

We ate in silence for another few minutes. Then, Jason set his fork down with a loud clatter. “I want to know why I found you half-drowned outside this morning. And why you wouldn’t explain what happened. And how the fuck my tomatoes are alive again."

I smiled brightly. “Oh! You noticed the tomatoes?” I asked, turning and glancing at the flourishing plants. “Are you happy they’re not dead?”

Jason gave me a strange look. “I guess, but they’re just plants. I just don’t know how you…” He made a vague gesture of the stems snapping back into place.

Happiness swelled in my heart. “Oh, it was no big deal! I just brought them back to life!”

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed. “How? Do you have the power to bring things back to life in addition to shapeshifting?”

I shoved a mouthful of steak into my mouth. “It’s not- It’s not really a _power_ ,” I said. “I can shift my own life force into other things.”

Jason was silent for a whole three seconds, just staring at me. “You… gave part of your _life_ for my _plants?”_

I nodded. Jason was looking really scandalized. “It was only half!” I said, a bit nervously now.

“ _Half?!_ So, what? You have 10 more years to live?” he asked.

I shook my head and laughed. “No, not like that. I just couldn’t transform into my human form anymore. So I lost ‘half’ of my life, the human half,” I explained.

“But you’re human right now? You’re not making sense, Dick,” Jason said.

“That’s because I died last night, and lost that second half of my life. Then I came back. New life, new life force,” I said with a shrug.

Jason made a sputtering noise. “You expect me to seriously believe that you have, what, nine lives?”

I stared at him seriously. “I do.”

Jason stared back. His mouth opened and closed a few times. “You… have nine lives,” he breathed. “You’re- You’re serious!”

“I am,” I confirmed.

“Do all cats have nine lives?” he asked.

“No, just me,” I said. “My mother too, and I suppose other cats in my family,” I amended after a second’s thought.

“So- So you die and you can come back to life?” Jason asked. “And you can _give_ those lives away?”

I nodded.

“Holy shit.” Jason put his head in his hands, just staring down at his plate. He said nothing else.

I grew worried.

_Your mother said you should never tell anyone. And you told Jason. What if he uses it to hurt you?_

_Jason would not do that to me. He is not like the evil people my mother was talking about. Jason is good. Besides, I owe Jason._

_What if he forces you to give your lives away and you die for good?_ sneered the whispering doubts in my back of my mind.

 _I only have four lives left anyway,_ I thought back. _If I were a normal cat, I would have one. And I have already used my one life. It is the least I could do to give my other lives away._

 _He will kill you_.

_If it makes him happy, I would gladly give all my lives away in a heartbeat anyway. I just want Jason to be happy._

“You said you died last night?” Jason’s quiet voice cut through my thoughts.

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” I said sheepishly. “I usually come back to life after about an hour or two though, so it’s okay.”

“Were you dead when I found you this morning?” he asked in the same quiet voice.

I winced silently. “I guess I was. I’m sorry you had to see me like that.”

“You drowned,” Jason stated.

“I couldn’t climb out of the hole,” I said. “And it started raining, so…” I just shrugged. “How was work today?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Why didn’t you call for help or something?” Jason asked. His voice carried a hard edge to it.

“I was stuck as a cat, Jason,” I reminded him patiently.

“Cats can be loud too!”

“Well, you were asleep, and I did not want to wake you,” I said.

“You were _drowning!”_

The fierceness in Jason’s voice made me tense up. I glanced at him, and he glared at me. I quickly looked away. A tightness grew in my throat. “I- I didn’t want to bother you,” I whispered. “You went to sleep, and I had just killed your plants, and you were mad at me…” I trailed off.

Jason slammed his fork down onto the table. “What the fuck, Dick?!” he yelled angrily.

I jumped and sat in my seat, trembling. Jason was furious at me. I did not know why. I quickly stood, my head bowed. “I’m sorry, Jason!”

Then, I ran from the kitchen. I ducked into the living room and transformed. Then, I curled up under the Christmas tree, hiding behind the trunk. _I will finish the chores after Jason went to bed,_ I thought to myself. Instead, I let myself drift off to sleep.

“Dickie?”

I opened my eyes slowly and stretched, yawning.

“Hey.” It was Jason’s voice. I peered out from under the branches of the tree, and I saw Jason’s red socks by the couch, where he was sitting, and probably working like he usually did. “Come here.”

I slinked out slowly, pausing by the tree.

Jason patted the spot next to him, urging me over.

I padded over and hesitated a second before jumping up onto the couch. Immediately, Jason’s hand came down on my head, and he started stroking me. I could not stop the happy purr that left my throat. I surrendered and settled down next to him.

Jason continued to pet me while he worked.

“I’m not mad at you,” he said after a long while. “I was just… I don’t know,” he said. “You don’t have to do everything for me,” he said. “I like you however you are, cat or human, okay? Don't think-Don't think I don't care what happens to you. Because I do.”

I turned my head and stared up at him. Jason was staring down at me, a small smile on his face. He set his laptop aside and picked me up.

He set me down on his lap and wrapped his arms around me. I stared at him, completely shocked. _I thought Jason did not like me? Why is he holding me now? I… I like it._

_Don't get too comfortable, Dick. He's just trying to alleviate the guilt he's feeling because you died last night._

I was about to squirm away, but Jason's hand on my head stopped me. He pressed his face into my neck and sighed. "I'm sorry, Dickie," he muttered.

_He likes you better as a cat. He just wants a cat, not a shapeshifting freak._

_I know._

_You'll never be of use to him,_ the thoughts laughed darkly. Then they disappeared when Jason hugged me even closer.

I let out a small meow and put my paws on his chest. I nuzzled into his neck questioningly.

He laughed quietly. “You don’t have to keep saying sorry either,” he continued. “Sometimes, there’s nothing you should be sorry for. _I’m_ sorry for last night,” he murmured. “I was not mad that you killed the tomato plants. It was just the first time I’d honestly thought about my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, since our break up.”

He picked me up completely and hugged me close. He did not seem to mind that I was getting black hairs all over his crisp, white button-up.

“I’m glad you’re here with me, Dickie,” he said. “You’re like my Christmas miracle.”

 _You’re my Christmas miracle too,_ I thought _. You are my angel, my savior. I love you, Jason_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the first time this year, I have 0 drafts (there are lots on my computer but not in ao3).


	3. Roadkill

For some strange, unfathomable reason, Jason let me stay for a long, long time.

Six months. Well, he let me stay longer after that, but at the six months mark, I was starting to get a little worried.

It was around that time that Jason started coming home happier. He talked more freely, and he would not grouch at me when I woke him up for work in the morning.

Sometimes, if I fell asleep in his lap at night, he would carry me to his room and let me sleep at the foot of his bed. Then, in the morning, I could lie there and watch him sleep for a bit.

Jason looked so peaceful and beautiful when he was asleep, especially with the moonlight spilling onto his face.

I knew that I loved him before, but my love grew into something different. It grew painful.

It grew to where instead of being filled with adoration and awe, my heart would clench and I would have to look away.

I did not understand that feeling. I could not look at Jason directly anymore. Not for very long, at least. Luckily for me, Jason started spending more time out at night. A few times, he did not even come home. Those nights were long and lonely for me. On those nights, I would curl up in my usual spot at the foot of Jason’s bed and try to fall asleep, but I never would.

“Hey, Dickie,” Jason said, walking into the kitchen one evening. I was just finishing the dishes, and Jason had just stepped out of the shower. “Can you make cookies?”

I turned to him. “Cookies? What kind of cookies?”

He shrugged. “Something with chocolate and peanut butter.”

“I suppose I can try,” I said. “I have never made cookies before though.”

Jason smiled at me. “I’m sure you’ll make great cookies,” he said. “You’re good at making everything else, after all.” He patted my shoulder as he walked past to make himself a cup of chamomile tea.

I blushed and continued to wash the dishes. “Are you having a party at the office?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “It’s a present…” Jason smiled and took a deep breath. “For one of my co-workers.”

“Oh, is it their birthday?” I asked.

Jason had a dreamy smile on his face. “No. I want to ask her out on a date, and she really likes peanut butter and chocolate and cookies, so… Why?”

I scrubbed at a stubborn spot on the plate. “Nothing,” I said. The painful clenching in my chest happened again. “I’ll make the cookies. When do you want them?”

“Well, maybe tomorrow?” Jason asked hopefully. “That’d be nice, but it’s okay. I won’t pressure you to stay up late or wake up early to make the cookies.”

I shook my head, and I gave Jason a sideways smile. “I’ll prepare them tonight, and I’ll bake them tomorrow. That way, they’ll be warm when you give them to her.”

Jason sipped his tea. “Thanks, Dick,” he said. “I’ll be in the living room, ‘kay?”

I finished doing the dishes, and I pulled out the supplies to make the cookies. As I stirred the liquids into the solids though, my thoughts drifted towards Jason and the his co-worker he likes. The tightening of my heart was sudden, and I gasped softly.

Suddenly, I blinked, only to find my sight blurry. Hot tears ran down my face, and I wiped at my eyes in confusion.

I did not know why I was crying all of a sudden. I could not stop the tears from dripping down my face.

I gripped the edge of the counter, and my shoulders shook as I cried silently.

“Hey, Dickie, I’m going to head to bed now, okay?” Jason’s voice made me scramble to wipe my eyes.

I did not want him to see me crying. I turned my back towards him.

“Don’t make too much noise and keep me up, okay?” he said, his voice teasing.

I nodded, still not facing him. I did not hear his footsteps leave.

“Dick? Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” I said quickly.

“Are you- Are you crying?” Jason asked. He touched my shoulder and spun me around. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” I said. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying,” I said, wiping at my dripping eyes. “I just- I just started crying, and-” I gave Jason a watery smile. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” I assured him, even though I did not know if I was fine or not. “You should go to bed. You have work tomorrow, and an important task to accomplish, right? You should be rested for that.”

He frowned at me. “But-”

“I am honestly fine,” I repeated. I gently pushed him towards the other kitchen door, the one that led down to his bedroom. “I’ll just… finish preparing the cookie dough, and I will go to bed as well.”

Jason frowned. “Want me to stay up and wait?”

“No!” I exclaimed. Then, gentler, “Just go to bed, Jason. I will be fine.”

He nodded, then he turned and left. I stood there, gathering myself for another few minutes. Then, I washed my hands and finished making the cookie dough.

I shaped the dough and placed it onto the baking tray, then placed the tray into the fridge. After that, I cleaned up as quietly as I could. I made my way to the bathroom, took a quick shower, and brushed my teeth. Then, I transformed and silently padded my way out of the bathroom.

I passed Jason’s room on the way to the living room. The door was slightly ajar.

I hesitated a moment before peeking inside. I wanted to make sure Jason was asleep and maybe close his window if he left it open again.

But Jason was not asleep. He was lying in bed, with his arms tucked behind his head, just staring at the ceiling.

His head turned when he saw the door move slightly.

“Hey, Dickie,” he whispered. “C’mere.” He patted the edge of his bed.

I let out a soft meow and shook my head, hoping he would understand that I was not going to sleep in his bed tonight.

He did not understand. “Why not?” he asked. “Are you cold at night? In that case, I don’t mind if you burrow under the covers, as long as you don’t go exploring in places you’re not supposed to.” He laughed quietly and flipped up the corner of his blankets. “Come on, Dickie. I’ll freeze if you don’t hurry.”

I sighed internally and slowly walked into the room. I jumped up onto Jason’s bed and sat down at the very edge of the bed.

Jason rolled his eyes and laughed. He reached out and wrapped a hand around me, pulling me closer until I was pressed against him. He pulled the covers over us and rolled over onto his side to look at me.

“I don’t know what you were crying about earlier,” he said softly. “but I hope it wasn’t anything I did. Thanks for making those cookies, Dickie.” He gently pressed his lips to the top of my head, between my ears. “Good night.”

I could not sleep that night.

I slipped out of his bed in the early hours of the morning. If he asked, I could easily make the excuse that I had to get up and make the cookies.

I bustled around the kitchen, making breakfast for Jason. I also packed him lunch of all his favorites. When the cookies came out of the oven, they were made to perfection. I wrapped them up prettily, and set them on the counter. I then went into the backyard, to the rose bushes I had planted a few months back.

They were in bloom now, and there was an abundance of red roses. I found the prettiest one, and I cut it off at the stem. I trimmed away some of the leaves and the thorns. I pricked myself a couple of times, but it was nothing bad. I placed the rose next to the cookies and waited for Jason to get up.

During that time, I cleaned up the area he was working yesterday, straightening his papers and putting them all into his bag. I then made his tea and put it next to his breakfast. I glanced at the time.

Jason was supposed to get up five minutes ago, but since I had done a lot of what he usually does by himself, he could technically sleep in for another ten minutes. I went back into the kitchen. I made a waffle with the excess batter and ate it while I cleaned up the kitchen. I did the dishes and wiped everything down before I headed to Jason’s room again.

I knocked softly on the door. “Jay,” I called quietly. “Time to get up.”

Jason groaned and turned over. His eyes cracked open. “Wha time ‘s it?” he asked groggily.

“Seven,” I said.

“Shit, what?!” he asked, scrambling up. “Dick, why didn’t you call me earlier?! Fuck!”

“Don’t worry!” I said quickly. “I already got all your stuff ready! You just need to eat get dressed and eat breakfast!”

“You- You did?” he asked. “I thought you were making cookies?”

I smiled. “I did make the cookies. They’re next to your lunch.”

Jason grinned. He walked towards his closet, and I tried not to stare at his bare chest and his toned legs. “Aw, thanks, Dickie, you’re so sweet.”

I blushed. “I’m- I’m going to get started on the laundry now,” I mumbled.

“You’re not eating breakfast with me?” he asked.

I gave him an apologetic smile. “I already ate, sorry.”

“You did?” Jason asked, his eyes narrowing. Even after six months, Jason still had a hard time believing me when I told him I already ate for some reason.

It was not like I was overly skinny or starving. He did not understand that I just had a small appetite. I have never eaten much.

“Yes, I did,” I promised. “Now go eat, or you _will_ be late.”

Twenty minutes later, Jason was putting his shoes on at the door. “Bye, Dickie! Don’t forget the milk when you go get groceries, okay?”

“Okay,” I said. “Good luck with your co-worker. I hope she likes the cookies and agrees to your date.”

Jason smiled and gave me a thumbs-up.

~

Jason got a date. And then a second. And a third.

Soon, every time I asked Jason about work, the conversation would turn towards this Kori.

From what I had heard about Kori, she sounded pretty perfect. According to Jason, Kori was smart, pretty, funny, a good conversationalist, empathetic, sweet, and independent all at the same time. I had never met her, but Jason seemed to like her a lot, so I suppose she was amazing.

After another two weeks of casual dating, and three weeks of exclusively dating, one night, Jason said, “Kori’s coming to dinner this Saturday.”

I glanced up from my dinner. The mashed potatoes suddenly turned to glue in my throat. I forced myself to swallow and hoped my stomach would not push it back up.

“She is?” I asked.

Jason nodded. “I was wondering if you could cook something nice? Her favorites are halibut and she loves asparagus for some reason,” Jason said with a fond laugh. “Oh, and she said she’s bringing her cat, Princess, so you’ll have a playmate too!”

I gave Jason a smile that I hoped was convincing. “That sounds nice,” I said. “I will make sure the house is in pristine condition.”

Jason suddenly looked a bit embarrassed. “Also, um, Kori might be staying the night, so uh, be mindful of that, please?”

I knew what that meant. They were going to have sex.

I nodded. “I understand,” I said. “I will make myself scarce.”

I ignored what felt like my heart being torn apart by someone with very, very sharp fingernails.

~

Saturday arrived quickly. I found myself in the kitchen in the afternoon, preparing Jason’s romantic dinner.

Jason himself was in the bathroom, stressing over his hair and his breath. I assured him he looked dashing and handsome, but he was still worried.

Right after I finished the dishes and had them plated, the doorbell rang.

“Fuck!”

I heard Jason running for the door. “Hide, Dickie!” he whispered at me before grabbing the door.

I slipped into another room and transformed. I slinked into the living room, where Jason was greeting Kori. I peeked around the corner to see what Kori looked like.

True to Jason’s statements, she was pretty. Her fiery red hair was as bold as her deep purple dress.

In her arms, she carried an orange tabby cat.

Kori stepped inside, and she immediately spotted me.

“Oh!” she said. “Is this your cat, Jay?” she asked. She set Princess down onto the ground and reached over to pet me.

“Yeah, he’s nice, so you can pet him,” Jason said.

I did not want to be pet by Kori, even though she seemed nice. But Kori was a part of Jason’s life for the foreseeable future, so if I wanted to make Jason happy, I had to make this Kori happy.

She pet my head, and I purred, pushing deeper into her hand. She laughed. “Aw, he’s so cute,” she said. “Hello, Dickie,” she said softly. “This is my cat, Princess. She’s very friendly, I promise. Hopefully you guys will get along!”

With that, Kori followed Jason to the dining room, and left me alone with Princess.

 _“You do not smell like a cat,”_ Princess said immediately, walking around me. _“But you smell good. I like you,”_ she stated boldly. She approached me and started nuzzling me.

I backed away. _“Please do not do that,”_ I said. _“I do not need your affections._ ”

Princess laughed. _“Oh, you silly cat. Has your owner not told you? We will probably see a lot of each other in the future. So unless you want me as your enemy, I suggest you let me get to know you_.”

I let out a low growl. _“I will not let you do whatever you want. This is not your home. It is mine.”_

Princess scoffed. _“As if I don’t already know all about you. Your owner took pity on you and took you in because you were dying. I heard him tell my Kori about it when he came over last week. You were unwanted, and he took pity on you.”_

 _“Jason is kind to me,_ ” I stated firmly. _“It does not matter to me whether or not he took me in out of pity. My only job is to make him happy._ ”

 _“You don’t make him happy,_ ” Princess laughed cruelly. _“My Kori makes him happy. In case you did not know, he made cookies for her, and he even brought her a rose when he asked her out. And tonight, he made dinner for her. Does he make dinner for you or do you eat that disgusting canned cat food?”_

 _“I do make him happy_.”

 _“I_ know _you don’t make your owner happy,_ ” Princess said. _“First of all, he would have named you something better instead of after another word for the male reproductive organ. Secondly, again, my Kori makes him happy. If I do not like you, and I do not want you here, Kori will tell him. You really think your owner will pick you over her?”_

I did not answer. I did not know that Jason would pick me over Kori. In fact, I was sure Jason would pick Kori over me. And if Princess was so arrogant, Kori must really love her. I gave in. _“What do you want from me?”_

 _“Show me your bed,”_ Princess ordered. _“And your bowl.”_

 _“I do not have a bed, nor do I have a bowl_ ,” I said simply.

Princess laughed at me. _“Do you sleep on the floor like the stray you started out as? I knew it_.”

 _“I sleep at the foot of my owner’s bed._ ”

_“Oh, really? Show me. There would be cat hairs if you did. I doubt I will find a single one of your hairs on there, unless you have been taking secret naps in your owner’s bed.”_

I had washed the bedsheets just earlier, replacing them with new ones, since Jason had alluded that he would be sleeping with Kori. There would be no cat hairs on there at all.

I turned to leave. _“Leave me alone_. _”_

Princess followed me. _“Just accept you are unwanted. You are just a sad stray,_ ” she said.

 _"And you're just a bitch,"_ I said, heading towards the back door.

_"No, I'm a princess well on her way to becoming a queen."_

I stepped out through the cat door into the backyard. Princess followed me, still taunting me. I started walking a bit faster, then running.

I looped around the house, hoping to lose her. She stayed on my heels. I finally grew tired of her and darted across the street, hoping she would not be brave enough to follow.

But she followed me.

At the same time, a car came barreling around the corner. There was a screech of tires and a sharp yowl.

The car kept going, but Princess did not move. I darted out into the middle of the street again. There was a puddle of blood, and it was only spreading.

_“Princess? Princess?!”_

She gave me no answer.

A loud cry made me glance up. Kori and Jason were standing in the doorway. Kori came running down the driveway and into the middle of the street, and Jason was not far behind her.

“Oh, Princess, no!” she sobbed.

“Fuck,” Jason whispered, kneeling next to her.

Kori sobbed into her hands, shaking her head over and over again. Jason put a hand on her shoulder.

Kori turned and leaned into his shoulder, crying. Jason hugged her tightly, whispering softly in her ear. He made her stand up and move out of the street.

I had caused the death of Kori’s cat. Now she was devastated. And so, Jason was unhappy as well. I had done it again. I thought I was doing so well, but it had only been the calm before the storm.

As Kori cried, and as Jason comforted her the best he could, I made a decision.

I put my paws onto Princess’ mangled body and closed my eyes.

My magic rushed through my body and poured into Princess’ body. The darkness closed in on me, and I did not fight it.

Right as the darkness over took me, I saw Princess’ green eyes snap open again.

~

When I woke up again, I was surrounded by warmth. I was disoriented and tired, but I forced myself to try to remember what happened.

Princess died. Then, she was alive, and I was dead.

I shifted slightly. Immediately, the warmth around me moved.

“Dickie? Oh, fuck, are you alive?”

I forced my eyes open and gave a weak answering meow. Jason’s worried expression was the first thing I saw. Then, he broke into a relieved smile and he pressed kiss after kiss to my head.

“I thought you were dead for sure,” he murmured, his voice sounding rough. “Fuck…”

He hugged me tightly to his chest, and for a long, long time, he would not let go.

For the next twelve hours, Jason did not let me leave his sight. He gave me a bath, which I detested in my feline form, but he would not hear my weak complaints. He then fed me scraps of halibut from his dinner, which he told me had not finished since Kori rushed Princess off to the vet to see if anything had happened to her.

She was fine, miraculously. No one knew how Princess lost so much blood but still survived without a single scratch.

No one knew why I had dropped down lifeless suddenly either. Apparently they assumed I was the one who got hit by the car and bled all over the street.

After over feeding me, he picked me up and brought me to bed, holding me against him the entire time.

When he woke up, I had still been asleep. I woke to him stroking my back. By then, I knew I could transform again, since my twelve hours were up.

I started to slip away, but Jason caught me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, holding me tighter.

I could only meow.

“You’re not allowed to run off again,” he argued.

 _I’m not running off. I’m just going to transform so I can actually talk to you,_ I thought.

It took a while to get him to let go of me. I slipped into the bathroom and transformed. I also changed quickly, since I was still in the same clothes as I spent the day in yesterday.

I knocked softly on Jason’s door before poking my head in. “Do you want me to start breakfast?” I asked, not looking at him directly.

“No, come here,” he demanded.

I blinked at him, surprised.

“Come here, Dick,” Jason said more firmly. He sat up in bed. “I want to talk to you.”

I let my head drop and walked over. Here it was. Jason was finally going to kick me out because I had caused the death of his girlfriend’s cat.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, sitting down as far away from him as I could get. “I did not mean to kill Princess. I thought if I ran across the street, she would not follow me. I should not have, I know. I’m sorry I ruined your date, Jason.”

Jason was silent for an entire minute. “How many lives do you have left, Dick?”

I glanced up in surprise. “Wh-What?”

Jason glared at me. “I said, how many lives do you have left?”

I opened and shut my mouth a few times. Jason did not look happy at all.

“I-I have… six?” I answered uncertainly, not sure what answered Jason wanted.

“So you have six lives left?” Jason asked sharply. “This is only your third life?”

I nodded slowly.

Jason let out a long breath. “Okay,” he said. “That’s good.”

I winced internally. Had I told him the truth, I did not know what would happen. I was glad I had chosen a higher number. I just hoped I could keep up the charade because I did not have six lives left. I only had three.

I concluded that Jason must be worried that I would not have enough lives to fulfill my life debt to him. It made sense now.

I smiled softly and put my hand on top of his. “Don’t worry, Jason,” I said with assurance. “I promise, I will save one for you, okay?”

“What?” Jason asked, confusion growing in his face.

I stood up and let go of his hand. “I’m already late on starting with my chores. What would you like for breakfast, Jay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, this was supposed to be up on the 18th, but due to a whole bunch of hectic things with Christmas presents, studying and my recent decision to stop writing, I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THIS FIC.
> 
> And no, I didn't already fail three days after starting. This fic was finished in the first week of December. It is definitely not the kind of fics I should be writing and literally the reason I stopped writing, but now that I have written it, here it is.
> 
> Pretty please leave me a comment because now I won't be getting as many on my stories and I still thirst after your comments! <333
> 
> (I didn't edit this because, again, it's bad for me so, sorry if there were errors)


	4. With Death Looming Around the Corner

“Hey, Dickie, I’m going to go grab some milk. We’re out of milk. You want anything else?” Jason called as he put on his shoes.

I leapt up from the couch. “We’re out of milk?! But I thought I bought a few days ago!” I scrambled to check the fridge. There was indeed no milk in the fridge. I groaned. “Ah, crap, I got distracted, and totally forgot the milk!”

Jason laughed from where he stood by the door. “It’s fine. I’ll just go pick some more up.”

“No, no, you don’t have to go,” I said quickly. “I’ll go. It was my responsibility anyway.”

“Seriously, Dick, I’ll go grab the milk, and I’ll pick up lunch on my way back so you don’t have to make anything,” Jason assured. “Unless you want to come with me? You didn’t seem to be doing anything anyway.”

“Um-”

“C’mon, let’s go.” Jason draped his scarf over my shoulders and looped it around my neck. He smiled at me, then let his hands fall back to his sides. “We can walk,” he said.

He opened the door, and we were met with a cold gust of wind. It was not quite cold enough to be snowing yet, but soon, it would be. I could tell.

It was late November, only a few weeks from Christmas again. That meant I have been with Jason for nearly a year already. And that thought alone filled me with unfathomable joy.

Jason closed the door behind us. “Are you cold?” he asked. “I have gloves if you are.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of gloves. “Maybe you should put on another jacket, Dick.”

“I’m fine,” I said. “I don’t mind the cold so much, remember?”

Jason frowned but said no more. We started down the street. We did not speak to each other. I did not mind much though. I knew I was not a great conversationalist. That, or Jason did not like talking to me much.

In the past year he had let me stay we have never talked much. He was gone early in the morning and worked until he went to sleep. He trusted me enough with the shopping and the chores that he never said a word about them. And the only time he would talk would be when I started the conversation first.

But I tried not to ask too many questions. I did not want Jason getting annoyed with me.

We reached the grocery store, and it was much warmer inside.

Jason stared at the wide variety of milks. He grabbed a gallon of regular 2%, then he turned to me.

“Chocolate or almond milk?” he asked.

“You’re asking me?” I asked. “I don’t know. What do you like?”

“I don’t drink either,” Jason said. “But you like milk, don’t you? Have you ever even had chocolate milk or almond milk?”

I shook my head. “I don’t need chocolate or almond milk, Jason.”

He still grabbed a quart of chocolate milk. “You’re missing out, Dickie,” he said. “It’s good stuff. Unhealthy, but good.”

He put it in our basket. “Now, what else do you want?”

“I don’t want anything,” I said.

“Aw, c’mon, I’m feeling generous. You’ve got to have favorite foods, Dickie. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen you eat any kinds of junk food,” Jason said, narrowing his eyes at me.

“Why would I need to eat junk food?” I asked. “I don’t need to eat when I’m not hungry.”

Jason sighed. “Just- Just humor me, okay? Pick some things out.”

I frowned and looked around. _Just pick out anything to appease him. Maybe something Jason likes. Then, it won’t go to waste_.

I scanned the shelves. “Uh, here.” I grabbed a box of Oreo cookies off of the shelf.

“You don’t like Oreos,” Jason said. “Are you only picking them because I like them?”

“N-No!”

“Dick…”

I put the Oreos back. I grabbed a different box. A box of cereal. “Here,” I said. “I’ve never tried it before, but I promise I will try it.”

Jason gave me a disbelieving look. “Okay, but you have to try it.”

I nodded, and he let me put the cereal into the cart. We made another round of the store, buying some more fruits, and a few spices Jason claimed he had run out of.

We started to head back to Jason’s house. The streets were practically empty at this time of day, despite it being midday.

“We’ll drop this off at home, and we can go grab lunch at the deli two blocks over. How’s that sound?” Jason asked.

“Okay,” I said.

“Dickie, look!” I glanced up and saw Jason jerking his head at an alleyway. “This is where I found you almost a year ago!” Jason said. “Shit, has it been that long?” He laughed. “Wow. Remember back when you were just this big? You were _tiny_.”

“I was not _tiny_ ,” I said, a bit affronted. “I was an adult.”

“Yes, but I could practically see your _ribs_. And your human form reflected that as well. And when you refused to _eat_ , I constantly scared that I’d find you dead from malnutrition one day. _But_ , you have filled out quite nicely since then,” Jason gave me a smile that looked something between a smirk and a genuine smile.

I was a little confused. “I… suppose I have been eating more? Should I not?”

“No! No, fuck, _no_.” Jason’s expression immediately changed from that strange smile to being alarmed. “Don’t you dare go back to what you were doing before. It took me forever to get you to finally eat without complaining! It was like taking care of a stubborn child who would not eat their vegetables!”

I shrank in on myself a little bit. “Sorry.” I thought I had been making Jason’s life easier, but apparently I was wrong.

Jason grabbed my arm, and his eyebrows drew together. “Stop apologizing all the time, Dick! God, I don’t understand why you keep saying sorry! You didn’t do anything _wrong_.”

“I-” I started to say sorry again, but Jason’s deepening frown made me stop.

Suddenly, a loud cry from across the street made us turn. In the shadows of the alleyway across the street, there was a loud gunshot. Seconds later, two people dressed in black started tearing down the street away from the alleyway.

Jason bolted across the street, and I followed.

I found Jason kneeling in the alleyway, next to an unmoving body.

“Shit, fucking shit!” Jason cursed. “Dick, grab my phone, call- call the police!”

I quickly set our grocery bag on the ground and fumbled for Jason’s phone, which was in the pocket of his jacket.

I called the police and rambled off our location.

“He’s- He’s not going to make it,” Jason said, still applying pressure to the man’s bullet wound. His hands were slick with blood, and I had never seen him so distressed. “No, fuck, hey, mister! Stay with me, c’mon, _c’mon!_ ”

_You know, it would destroy him if that man died. Jason would blame himself._

_But Jason did not kill the man._

_No, he did not save him either. He will be plagued with nightmares. It’s what happens when you watch someone die with your eyes. He can’t save the man. But_ you _can._

“Move,” I rasped out, dropping to my knees next to Jason. I pulled my sleeves up and put my hands on the man’s chest.

“What- What are you doing, Dickie? Is the ambulance coming? Dick?”

I ignored Jason and closed my eyes. I felt my magic tingling, already gathered at my fingers. I took a shaky breath and pushed.

“Dick! Hey, you better not be doing what I think you’re doing! Dick, answer me!”

I did not answer him. Already, his voice was starting to slip away from my consciousness. Soon, I could not hear him at all. It was just dull ringing silence. I think I hit the ground.

Everything was dark anyway.

~

When I woke up, I was back in Jason’s house. I could tell without even opening eyes by the smells and the feel of the couch underneath me.

It was very comforting, but I did not want to move. My body felt sore. I realized with a start that coming back to life was getting harder and harder each time. Eventually, I would not get up at all.

I wondered when that would be. At this rate, I would not make it to next Christmas.

I vowed to be more careful with my last two lives.

I forced myself to move. I rolled over onto my feet and opened my eyes.

“You’re awake.”

I froze.

Jason sat across from me, his elbows resting on his knees, and his chin resting on his clasped hands. He did not look happy at all.

“You can’t give your lives away so easily,” he growled. “I don’t know why you want to save everything, but sometimes, they’re just meant to die. You can’t- You can’t mess with the natural order of things, Dick, no matter what.”

I could not answer, so I just stared at him.

“You only have five lives left now. You might think that’s a lot because everyone else only has one, but someone as clumsy as you could easily lose the in a blink of an eye,” he said. Jason shook his head. “Promise me you won’t give your lives up so easily anymore.”

_I only have one life left after this one, Jason. That life is yours. I promised it to you a while ago. I know you don’t know it yet, but it’s already yours. I won’t be giving it away to anyone else. So yes, I can promise not to give my current life away. It is my last one after all._

So I nodded slowly.

Jason held his breath for a second then let it out. He stood up and shook his head. “You’re an idiot, Dick,” he said. “You stress me out like no one else.” He then bent down and gently stroked my head. “But I guess I’m stuck with you.” He pressed a quick kiss between my ears. “Welcome back, Dickie.”

But I did not feel welcome. In fact, I felt like I had overstayed my welcome. Maybe it was time for me to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!! I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! 
> 
> I sorry this is the only "present" I really have. I really wanted to do a Christmas Batfamily thing, but never got around to it. I'm sorry guys. I did start this one thing in July (yes, a Christmas fic in July), but it's like a short 25 Days thing, but I only finished up to day 5, so.
> 
> I would love to gift you guys happiness and joy though. So I hope you know I still want you guys to be smiling and cheery. You all deserve to smile because you all make me smile. Thank you, and I love you all again! <3
> 
> <333


	5. Myself

Jason was frowning at me.

I did not know why he was frowning at me, and he did not say why he was frowning at me. He just sat at the table, drinking his tea, and watching me wash the dishes with a frown on his face.

When I finished with the dishes, I did not know what to do. I did not want to just walk away. So instead, I shuffled over and sat down by him.

“Did I do something?” I asked softly.

Jason seemed surprised that I spoke. “No?” he said.

“Oh.” I played with my hands nervously. “Do you want me to do anything?”

“No,” Jason said again. “Actually, transform for me.”

I stood up. “Um, okay.” I started to go into the living room.

“No, right here,” Jason said.

“What… What do you mean?” I asked.

“I’ve never seen you transform before,” Jason said. He smirked. “For all I know, you’re just taking the cat away when you’re around.”

My eyes widened. “No, I’m not-”

“I’m kidding, Dickie,” Jason laughed. “I just want to see you transform. Do your clothes transform with you?”

I nodded, still making no move to transform.

“What are you waiting for?” Jason asked. “Shy?”

I winced silently. “It’s- It’s not that. Just… it’s not a pretty sight.”

“What do you mean?” Jason asked, tilting his head to the side.

“It’s really grotesque,” I explained. “The transformation.”

“I’m not a queasy person,” Jason countered. He crossed his legs and relaxed into his seat. “I want to see you transform.”

I tugged nervously at my sweater. “Why?” I asked. I really did not want to transform in front of Jason. I had not been lying. It was a grotesque thing to watch. I only saw it once, in the reflection of a store window, out of the corner of my eye. I threw up after watching it.

“I’m not going to think of you differently if I see you transform, Dick,” Jason said. “I just want to see.” He gave me a small smile and took another sip of his tea. “Please?”

My heart fluttered, and I found myself nodding. If the worst comes to worst, I could always go to plan B, which was just to leave and keep an eye on Jason from a distance, like I had planned to do in the first place.

But I hoped it would not come to that.

“Okay,” I said with a shaky voice. I took a few steadying breaths and closed my eyes. I felt for my magic and felt as my body started contorting, twisting and folding in on itself. I shrank smaller and smaller until I had been condensed to eighteen pounds.

I opened my eyes, but I did not dare look at Jason.

“Dick, come here.” Jason was patting his lap.

Still not looking at him, I made my way over. I sat down tentatively in his lap, but Jason scooped me up and held me up to his face.

“I don’t think you’re grotesque or ugly or whatever, okay?” he said softly. “I think you’re amazing in either form.”

My heart was pounding like crazy in my tiny chest now. But immediately, my mind said, _He doesn’t mean that._

_But then, what does he mean?_

For once, that cruel voice in the back of my mind was silent. So I leaned forward and burrowed up against Jason. Jason laughed, and he held me close.

I closed my eyes and just imagined what it would be like for him to hold me like that in my human form. I imagined it would feel nice.

~

“What’s this?” Jason grabbed my wrist and wrenched my arm towards him. He was glaring at the bruise on my arm.

“Oh, I hit my arm against the door last night,” I said lamely.

Jason gave an exasperated sigh and let go of my arm. He brushed past me to go eat breakfast. “You’re so clumsy, Dick. Why can’t you be more careful?”

I bit my lower lip. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll try.”

“Yeah, well, you should try a bit harder. You think I don’t notice all those injuries you get just from doing housework? I’ve never seen anyone get so many injuries from chores.”

“I heal fast,” I said.

“That doesn’t matter,” Jason said irritably. “There’s going to be an injury you can’t heal someday. You can’t just rely on your extra lives, Dick.”

I nodded silently. “Okay.”

“Ugh, you’re so passive, it’s almost annoying sometimes,” Jason said with a roll of his eyes. He shoved the rest of his toast into his mouth and stood up. “And now I’m going to be late for work because you did not wake me up.”

I watched from the window as Jason left. Jason seemed to be getting annoyed at me more and more now.

I finished the chores rather quickly. There was not much to do. So I made dinner early, and put it in the fridge. I scribbled Jason a quick note and left it on the table.

**_I ordered seeds for the garden a couple weeks back, but they sent them to the wrong store, so I have to go pick them up from there. Sorry I can’t eat dinner with you. Food is in the fridge. I will be back by tomorrow morning to make breakfast and your lunch. Don’t wait up for me._ **

And so, I transformed, made sure all the windows and doors were locked before I headed out. I tucked the spare key under the cushion of the old rocking chair.

I did not bother hurrying. I told Jason I would not be back until tomorrow morning anyway. I had over twelve hours to make the trip across Gotham and back.

I had the route memorized in my head, so it was not trouble for me.

I got to the store just before it closed, and picked up the small package of seeds that I believed would make Jason’s garden look pretty. I planned to start planting them right after winter.

The streets were nearly deserted when I exited the flower shop. I transformed in a nearby alleyway. Then, with the small bag clamped in my teeth, I started back towards Jason’s house.

Out of nowhere, someone leaped out of an alleyway and threw a burlap bag over my head.

I was scooped up into the bag. I scratched and yowled, but I could not tear the fabric.

The top of the bag opened, and a man peered in. He sneered down at me. “Aw, look at you. What a pwetty wittle kitty! I know someone who will pay a lot for something like you.”

I snarled at him and jumped up and scratched his cheek. I latched onto his shirt and swiped at him again. But suddenly, I was jerked off of the man by the nape of my neck.

There was another man. “Heh,” the second man laughed. “Fucker got you good, Jerry!”

“Shut up and just tranq him already, moron!”

“Yeah, yeah, feisty little bitch,” the second man grumbled. A second later, I felt someone sharp being stuck into my neck, and then, my vision grew hazy and I went limp. I was shoved back into the bag, and I went unconscious.

~

I woke up in hell.

It was a dark room, but I could see well enough. Whatever drug they pumped into me was wearing off, though it still dulled my senses a bit. In the darkness, however, I could make out that I was stuck into a tiny cage. It was to the point where I could barely turn in a full circle.

There were probably twenty other cages in the same room as mine, all stacked up in the tiny room. The room also smelled rancid, like something had died and it had been left to rot.

In almost every cage was filled with some sort of animal. I saw about a dozen other cats and several dogs in the slightly larger cages. They were all making pitiful noises, and they looked like they were being starved.

The sent an excited thought through me. I examined the bars of my cage. They were too close together for me to fit through.

But they were not _too_ close. They were probably just a bit smaller than Jason’s gate.

So I did have a chance of getting out. I could not transform in this tiny cage, but if I could just slip through the bars…

 _Yes_ , I thought, growing more excited. _I could get out. Then, I would go back to Jason, and he will help me do something about this place. But first, I must get back home._

Over the next few days, I figured out some kind of pattern.

There was no window in the room, but I guessed that one of the men came in at least once a day to give every animal some sort of food.

My share has only been a mushy lump as of far. I also had a tiny Styrofoam cup of water, but that is all I have been given.

I just drink the water, and I only eat my share once every three days, just to keep myself alive.

The hunger gnawed at me, but I was determined. This was not the worst thing that has happened to me. I had to get out of here. I refused to die in here. I would _not_ die in here.

It took seven rounds of eating the mushy lumps, twenty-one days. Finally, I was skinny enough to fit through the bars.

However, I was extremely weak and feverish. I did not know if I could get out at all. But I had to try. I slipped out from between the bars, and I hid behind the door until the man came in to bring the food.

Then, I slipped out of the door.

Outside the door was a long, dank hallway. There was a light at the end of the hall, at the top of a short flight of stairs. I ran towards it, and I came up in an alleyway.

I had no idea where I was though. Above the door I had just exited was a dim, yellow lightbulb.

Then, I ran for it. I got out of the alleyway as fast as I could, never once looking behind me. I took blind turns, searching and searching for a familiar street name.

None of them rang a bell in my weakened mind.

Finally, I collapsed, exhausted. I could not do it anymore. I whined softly, and tried to drag myself a little bit further, but I was too weak to do so. So I resolved to let myself take a short nap and hope I woke up.

But the heavy darkness that descended over me told me what I needed to know.

I was not waking up. Not in the same life, at least.

_I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so, so sorry._

As the familiar darkness descended over me, I felt myself suddenly become weightless, but I did not have the time to think about it before I was gone.

~

When I woke up again, my first thought was, _This is your last life. Jason’s life._

I opened my eyes slowly.

“Dick…?”

I blinked slowly, the initial brightness dimming slowly. Coming back to life was seriously becoming more and more painful. I struggled to roll over in Jason’s arms.

“Sh-Shit, are you okay?”

I glanced up. Jason was _crying_. Why was Jason crying? I could not have possibly done anything. I had been dead. I let out a small meow to reassure him that I was fine. Then, I put my paws on his chest, silently asking if he was okay. I checked his face, his arms, neck, legs. Nothing seemed to be wrong.

Jason sniffled. “I’m _fine_ ,” he said. “Stop- stop worrying over me, Dick. That’s all you do! You worry and worry and worry and you don’t watch out for yourself! What happened to you, Dickie? Huh? Did you run away because you hated it here? Was it so much better to be starving on the streets than living with me? Is that what this is, Dick?”

Jason’s teary blue eyes stared at me intently, demanding answers I could not deliver. Instead, I let out another small sound and nuzzled into Jason’s neck. He let out another horribly broken sound and wrapped his arms around me.

I could not be much of a comfort in this form, but whatever I could do to help Jason, I would do.

“Dickie… _please_. Just tell me why you left,” Jason whispered.

 _I didn’t leave, Jason. I would never leave you, ever. I won’t leave you. Not until you want me to leave. I want to tell you so badly,_ I thought. I could feel Jason’s thick stubble against my skin. He had obviously not bothered to shave in a couple days.

~

Christmas Day was spent on the couch. Jason had fallen asleep with me in his arms. I was worried he would catch a cold, so I tried to wiggle away to grab a blanket, but Jason woke up with a start and clung onto me and would not let go.

I relented and stayed. He fell into another uneasy sleep, and I worried that he would get sick sleeping like that. He started shivering in his sleep, and I was torn between trying to get him a blanket or at least getting him to bed, and letting him sleep.

I tried to wiggle away again, but Jason woke up in a panic before I could even get out of the living room. He chased after me, but I managed to nose open the closet before he got me. He understood the message and grabbed a couple blankets before moving us right back to the couch.

“Don’t run off, Dick,” Jason said, pulling the blankets over himself. “Please don’t. I- I don’t think I bear if you left again. The house is uncomfortably large and quiet without you. I don’t like it. I didn’t- I didn’t realize how much space you took up in my life until you were gone,” he whispered. He pressed his lips to the top of my head. “You were only gone three weeks, but God, I don’t know how I got through those weeks. I’ve been searching for you all throughout Gotham, almost every night, Dick.”

I curled up closer against him. Hopefully, he would understand that I did not mean to worry him or scare him.

I listened to his heartbeat as he fell asleep once more, I controlled my breathing to match my heartbeat to Jason’s.

 _Someday, Jason’s heartbeat is going to end up stopping,_ I thought. My stomach lurched at the thought, fear rolling through me and my heartbeat spiked. I calmed myself down again, matching with Jason. _But that’s what I’m here for._

_Are you sure you want to give your last life to this human? It is your last life, Dick. You use it, you’re not coming back anymore._

_I know,_ I thought tiredly. _So I must be very careful. I will make sure to enjoy these moments as much as possible._ I took a deep breath, breathing in the smell of Jason’s shirt and the slightly salty tinge of tears. _I have accepted it. I just hope he will too._

Jason made breakfast. Just some fruit and toast. He opened a can of tuna for me, picking apart the canned fish and feeding it to me. He let me lick his fingers after each bite. I never asked for more than what he gave me, but halfway through the can, I was no longer hungry.

“ _Eat_ ,” Jason urged. “You died of starvation yesterday! I’m not going to watch you do that for a _third_ time.”

I sighed internally and taking another small bite. Jason waited patiently for me to finish the entire can. Then, he quickly cleaned up and came right back to the couch.

He scooped me up and put me in his lap. Then, he turned on the TV and wrapped us up in blankets again.

I meowed softly, eyeing the spot where the Christmas tree was last year. This year, there was nothing there.

“I didn’t feel like putting up a tree this year,” Jason said softly. “I wasn’t feeling… Christmas.”

_Why? You love Christmas, Jason. You wore reindeer slippers later year and ugly Christmas sweaters, and wrapped yourself presents under the brightly decorated tree. So why?_

Jason said nothing more, however. I waited for the agonizing 12 hours to tick by. Finally, right before lunch, I was able to transform.

I struggled out of Jason’s grip and ducked into the next room to transform. I was hit with a wave of dizziness after my transformation. I winced, glancing down at myself. My clothes were smelly and dirty. My hair was gross as well.

I peeked around the corner. “I’m… I’m going to take a shower,” I said.

Jason was on his feet immediately. “Dick!” He tackled me with a hug, and I winced.

“I’m- I’m gross, Jason. You really shouldn’t be hugging me.”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Jason growled. Then, he pushed me away roughly. “Go take a shower, and then we talk.”

~

I sat in the center of Jason’s bed uncomfortably, wearing one of his hoodies, and a pair of his sweatpants.

“Why did you leave, Dick?” Jason demanded.

“I went to go get the seeds,” I said. “I promise, I did.”

“It took you three fucking weeks?”

“No!” I said quickly. “I- There were these two men on my way back. They, um, they shoved me into a bag and took me to this- this dark basement somewhere. I was locked in a tiny cage. The area had tons of other animals. It was inhumane and ridiculous. They barely fed us anything, so it was not too hard to starve myself until I was skinny enough to fit through the bars.”

“But you _died_ ,” Jason said weakly. He sat down at the foot of the bed.

“But I’m free now,” I said. “It’s- It’s not so bad.”

Jason stared at me, his blue eyes betraying his feelings, even though his expressions were hard. “Dick, it’s been one year since I’ve know you. And you’ve lost four lives already. What am I supposed to think about that?”

“Uh…”

“No, stop,” Jason said. He shook his head and took a deep breath. Then, he glanced up and looked me straight in the eyes. “I’ll just tell you what I thought. I thought you didn’t want to live here with me anymore. I thought I had upset you. I thought I had done something wrong and scared you off.” Jason swallowed hard. “Dick… this past year, I’ve been… too caught up in myself to realize it, but I _like_ you. Not just as a friend, or a roommate, or a pet, or whatever. But I like you.”

My mouth suddenly felt very dry. “Like you liked Kori?” I barely dared to whisper.

Jason nodded. “Yeah, like that, but- but so much stronger.”

“Stronger?”

Jason leaned forward towards me. He brought his hand up and cupped my cheek. “Yeah, stronger, Dickie. Maybe more than just like.”

My heart was beating wildly in my chest. Jason was too close to me. It felt hard to breathe.

“I don’t know,” Jason murmured, his eyes locked on my lips. “Maybe… Maybe it’s love.”

“Love,” I repeated breathlessly.

“Mhm,” Jason answered. “Love.” Then, he leaned in, closing the last couple inches between us.

And oh my God, Jason was kissing me. _Jason_ was kissing _me_. It was so, so wrong on so many levels, but I could not find it in myself to push him away. Instead, my hands came up and curled into his shirt, pulling him closer against me, deepening the kiss.

Jason let out a pleased hum. His other hand came to my waist. I shivered as his thumb brushed against a spot of bare skip.

Jason pulled away a moment later, his lips slick with spit, his eyes wide, and his cheeks a rosy red.

“Dick,” he breathed. “I think I love you.”

I let out something between a squeak and a sob. I could not look at him. “Jason… I love you too,” I managed to say. I was going to be selfish. Just this once, just a little bit.

“Yeah?” Jason asked, already leaning in again.

I nodded, swallowing thickly.

Suddenly, Jason surged forward, but instead of kissing me this time, he hugged me roughly.

“Stay by my side forever, Dick,” Jason whispered in my ear. "I've only known you for a year, but I've never been happier. I can't imagine living alone again, and it was hard to see you being all domestic for me but knowing you aren't _mine_."

I swallowed hard, squeezing my eyes together tightly. “For however long you want me,” I whispered back.

“Forever. I want you forever,” he answered immediately. Jason intertwined our hands, squeezing my hand gently. I felt a small smile stretch onto his lips. “Until death do we part and all that, yeah?”

I smiled and pressed my lips to his neck. Two tears slipped out of my eyes and slowly rolled down my face. “Okay,” I croaked.

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I love you. I'm sorry._

“Hey, you okay?” Jason asked. “Why are you crying?” He pulled back and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. His blue eyes met mine, and I gave him a shaky smile.

“Just happy,” I lied. I just kept lying to Jason. It _hurt_ to lie to Jason, but if I did not… it would hurt Jason.

Jason smiled. “I’m so happy too,” he said. “I love you so much, Dickie. I wish I had told you earlier, but I was in denial for such a long time. I didn't know why I was getting so upset, and losing you just...” he trailed off quietly.

“I love you, Jay,” I said, more tears running down my face. “So much it hurts.” At least that much was me being honest. The truth hurt like nothing had every hurt before. It hurt even more than when I was just pining after Jason.

But however much time I had left, I was going to be selfish. I was going to have Jason for myself and _only_ myself.

~

Jason got sick that night.

After we figured things out (we are dating now), and after we “made up for lost time” (kissing, cuddling, some more stuff), Jason announced that he would be taking a bath because he was feeling a little chilly and he could feel a tickle in his throat.

However, after a steaming hot bath, Jason only felt worse. He started hacking. I made chicken soup, but he did not keep that down for very long.

Later that night, he had a high fever that no amount of wet towels could lower. He was piled under several layers of blankets, yet Jason could not stop shivering. His cough would not stop either. All through the night, I was plagued with the sound of Jason’s harsh hacking. It sounded horribly painful.

In the early hours of the morning on the 26th, Jason finally gave in and let me call an ambulance.

He was admitted to the hospital, where the doctors told me that Jason had viral pneumonia.

It had developed quite a while ago, but somehow, Jason’s body had masked the symptoms for a while, probably because it had been running on pure adrenaline, and now, it had kicked in full force.

I did not understand a lot of the doctors’ fancy medical terms, but I knew one thing from their grave faces.

It was not good.

I knew I did not have much time left, but I had been hoping for a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's mostly BS medical stuff, btw.
> 
> Aw, I'm almost done, I'm sad. This is the last thing I wrote this year, and I'm sorry it's so sad. Forgive me <3


	6. "true love is selfless. it is prepared to sacrifice."

“Visiting hours are over now, sir.”

I looked up. The nurse that had been taking care of Jason in the past few days was standing in the doorway, a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Oh,” I said. “Um, okay, thank you.”

She nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

I turned to Jason, who was lying on the bed, his eyes barely open. “I’ll be back soon, okay?” I whispered. I took Jason’s weak hand and brought it to my lips, kissing it softly.

Jason nodded a little bit. He crooked his fingers, gesturing me forward. I leaned forward and gently kissed Jason, being mindful of the tubes helping him breathe.

“You’re going to be okay,” I promised. I gave Jason a small smile and then stood up. “When you start feeling better, I’ll sneak you some actual food. How’s that sound?”

Jason smiled, almost imperceptibly.

I gave his hand one last pat before leaving the room. I shoved my hands into the pockets of my (Jason’s) sweatshirt as I walked down the hallways of the hospital towards the exit.

When I stepped into the cold night, I looked up and down the street. Cars zoomed by. No one gave more than a passing glance at me. No one knew the turmoil boiling inside me. No one cared about what was happening in my life. For the first time in nearly over a year, I felt invisible again.

Instead of turning right to go back to Jason’s house, I made a quick left and ducked into the alleyway behind the hospital. There, I transformed. I leapt nimbly up to the second story windows and counted the ones to Jason’s room. There, I settled myself on the narrow windowsill so I could watch Jason all night long.

It was cold outside, but I was not about to leave Jason alone. Besides, I was not going to go back to Jason’s house, sleep in a comfy bed, surrounded by the scents of home when Jason was suffering alone and sick in a hospital.

So I settled in for the night.

However, as night turned to day, I left my perch with one last glance at Jason, who was still sleeping. His heart monitor remained a steady beat throughout the night, and the nurse that came to check on him did not seem to find anything alarming.

I transformed back into my human form and grimaced. It was quite obvious I did not go home or sleep the night before. So I quickly ran to the house and had a quick shower.

I put the pile of my dirty clothes into the washer and started to go again.

As I passed the kitchen, I paused. I had not eaten all day yesterday. Eating would mean leaving Jason alone for another hour or so. But I was already looking gaunt and tired. It would not do if I got sick as well. I had to take care of myself. For Jason.

I went into the kitchen and searched the fridge for something quick and easy. There was a box of takeout that had been left in there for who knows how long. I threw it away. There were a few fruits and vegetables in there as well, but they were looking old and a couple things had mold on it.

I threw that out too.

The milk and yogurt that were way past their expiration date also got dumped into the trash. That left the fridge empty.

In the cabinets was a half-eaten package of cookies. I found a lone can of tuna and the cereal I had bought nearly two months ago, still unopened. I had promised Jason I would eat it.

So I sat down at the table and opened the box of cereal. The yellow flakes speckled with white did not look appetizing.

But still, I poured some into a bowl and picked at it with my fingers for a few seconds before trying it.

The taste of sugar, nearly overwhelming the taste of the corn cereal, burst onto my tongue. I chewed slowly. The tiny flake did not really do much. So I grabbed a small handful and tried again.

Surprisingly, I did not hate the taste of the cereal. The crunch was rather satisfying, and the more bites I took, the more it started to grow on me.

I somehow ate through half of the entire bag before I realized what I had done. I sprung to my feet. I grabbed a bottle of water and sprinted out of the house. When I made it to the hospital, visiting hours had begun half an hour ago.

I quickly made my way into Jason’s room in the CCU, knocking softly before going inside.

Jason’s eyes were open. He smiled a little when he saw me.

“Hey… Dickie,” he rasped out. Then, he coughed a violent fit.

I quickly rushed to his bedside. “Jason! You’re- You’re talking? Wait, maybe you shouldn’t. It’s obviously wrecking your throat.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Stop w-worrying,” he chided, his voice barely above a whisper. I had to lean in to hear him. He reached up and weakly flicked my forehead. “Did you… sleep?”

“A bit,” I admitted. “Sorry I was late. I… lost track of time.”

“’s fine, Dickie,” Jason said. “’m getting… getting better anyway.”

“You are?” I asked, eyes wide. “Says who?”

“The doctors, duh,” Jason said. “They- They said my lung were filled with- with fluid, but I would be… be better by the new year.”

I smiled, relief filling me. “You will?” I asked. I slumped in the seat by his bed. I grabbed his hand and pressed his cool skin to my lips. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Wh-Why?” Jason rasped.

“Because… it’s my fault you’re so sick,” I said. “You were out every night looking for _me_.”

“It’s ’cause I love you, Dickie,” Jason slurred. “Don’t you be thinking stupid thoughts.”

I gave him a weak smile. “It’s not stupid,” I said. “You’re stupid.”

Jason laughed, but his laugh quickly turned to hacking coughs. “You’re… right about that,” he managed. He laid back, his eyes closing briefly. His forehead was covered in a thin sheen of sweat. “’s hot, Dickie,” he murmured. He started to push his blankets away.

“No, no,” I said gently, pulling the blankets right back up. “You need to keep it up.”

Jason let out a soft huff. “Dickie… you’re so good to me.”

I gave him a tentative smile. “You okay, Jay?”

“Think the… drugs’re kickin’ in,” he said. “Claudia said… ‘bout half an hour. ‘s been half an hour.”

“Oh, okay. Then maybe you should sleep.”

Jason shook his head and groaned.

“Okay, um, just talk to me then. What are the drugs for?”

Jason smiled dopily. “Breathin’… hurts,” he said. “Throat hurts too.” He giggled and coughed. “Everythin’ kinda hurts.”

“Ah, I see,” I said. “Hey, Jay, I think some of your friends from work are going to be coming in to visit you today.”

“They are?” Jason asked. “But… why?”

“Because they’re your friends and they care about you,” I answered. “I’ll just step outside when they come, okay?”

“Nooo...” Jason whined. “Gotta stay with me, Dickie.”

“I’ll just go eat lunch. But I’ll be back, okay?”

Jason pressed his lips together. “Okay… you need to eat,” he slurred. “More.”

I laughed quietly. “I know. You tell me every day,” I whispered. I leaned in to kiss him, but Jason put a hand on my mouth.

“Bad,” he said, frowning. “You… could get sick. Claudia said.”

I opened my mouth to argue, then decided not to. “Okay, fine,” I said. I had to be careful with my last life after all. “Just the cheek then. Is that okay?”

Jason narrowed his eyes at me. “ _Only_ the cheek.”

I nodded and he removed his hand. I pecked his cheek softly, lingering a second. “I love you, Jason.”

“Love you… too,” he said with a silly smile on his face. “My fluffy kitty cat.”

I laughed softly. “Yeah, okay.” I pulled back. “You should really sleep. Need your strength while your friends visit, yeah?”

“Mm, okay,” Jason agreed. He coughed again, the sound painful and wet. It made me grimace. It did not seem to bother Jason as much though. “Wish… you could stay and sleep with me,” he said. “Miss you.”

I gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, I miss you too,” I said. I did not tell him that I barely even slept at all without him.

~

Jason’s condition improved slowly in the next few days. On the 30th of December, Jason was sitting up, and was able to talk for longer periods of time. He was moved from the CCU to the general floor.

He was still not allowed to eat dry foods yet, having to stick with stews and thick purees.

All he did was complain about the food.

“I would _kill_ for a chili dog right now,” Jason groaned, stirring his tomato soup miserably. “Look at this, Dickie. It’s inhumane!”

I smiled at him fondly. “Just eat it, Jay. It’ll help you get better soon.”

Jason scoffed and let his spoon drop. “No, you know what will make me better? Cuddles and kisses and maybe some action from my boyfriend, but no. I can’t.” Jason groaned and let his head fall backwards into the pillows. He pouted. “Life is unfair, Dick.”

I sat down at the edge of his bed and picked up his bowl of soup. “How about I feed you?”

“I’m not a baby,” he grumbled. But he settled himself into the pillows. “I’m not eating that grilled cheese sandwich though. That is _not_ real cheese. It’s cancerous plastic.”

I rolled my eyes. “Duly noted. No sandwich. But eat your soup.” I dipped the spoon into the soup and held it out to him.

“It’s hot,” Jason said flatly.

I took the spoon back and blew on it gently for a couple seconds before giving it back to him. He ate it this time. I dipped the spoon back into the soup.

Twenty minutes later, the soup was done, and Jason had a lazy smile on his face. “You know, you should be my nurse. I mean, Claudia was great, and Lucy, my new nurse, is really sweet, but they don’t give me the special attention I deserve.”

“You get better, come home, and I’ll play nurse for you all day,” I promised.

Jason laughed. He still coughed a few times after laughing, but it did not sound as bad as before. “Promise?”

“You can even get me a nurse costume,” I said seriously. “Whatever you want.”

“Aw, Dickie, don’t make promises you can’t keep. There’s no way you’ll wear a dress.” Jason stared at me for a second. “ _Will_ you?”

I shrugged. “I’ll do anything for you, Jay. You know that.”

Jason smiled sweetly and shook his head. “Aw, I don’t deserve you, Dickie,” he said. “You’re too good to me.” Then he immediately grew serious, and he gave me a sharp look. “Don’t you give me any of your self-deprecating BS now.”

I swallowed my next words back. “I wasn’t,” I said instead. Then, I stood up. “It’s getting late. Visiting hours are nearly over. I’m going to go now.”

Jason nodded. “Okay. See you tomorrow?”

I smiled. “Of course, Jay.”

That night, I decided that it would be safe if I went back to Jason’s house and get a proper night’s sleep. I would also prepare the house a bit for Jason’s return.

I cleaned well into the night, and then, I just flopped down onto the couch, exhausted, and I fell asleep.

I woke up in the morning, took a shower, and finished off the box of cereal I had worked through in three days. I had gone grocery shopping the day before, so I had milk to put in the cereal. It should have been a very strange thing – crunchy and wet at the same time, but it was good. I made a note to buy more cereal next time.

I went to the hospital a little later than usual, extremely excited to tell Jason about my newfound love for cereal.

However, when I got to Jason’s room, I found it empty.

I ran to the front desk, panic surging through my veins.

“Jason Todd,” I told the nurse. “Where- Where is he?”

The nurse clacked away at the keys for a second. “He was moved to the ICU early this morning.”

“ICU?” I asked. “But that means-” I tried not to think about it. “Can I- Can I see him?”

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry,” she said. “He’s not allowed visitors at the moment.”

I was shaken. “Okay,” I heard myself say. I stumbled off in a daze.

Jason was fine the day before. Jason was _okay!_ He had been talking, laughing, eating! What had gone wrong in the short time I went home?

I stumbled and had to catch myself on the wall. I had gone home. I had let my guard down. I _assumed_ Jason would be okay if I left for a while. It could just be a coincidence. But was it really? Jason had been getting better, and his health suddenly crashes when I leave?

There was no way it had nothing to do with me.

I wandered into the hospital gift shop. I walked past a display of stuffed animals, and I stopped.

Most of the animals were teddy bears of all sizes and colors. There were some other animals too – dogs, cats, birds.

There was one animal in particular that caught my eye. It was not very big and it was hidden behind the other larger stuffed animals, but I reached for it and pulled it out.

It was a black cat with large blue glass eyes. It had a blue collar around its neck and a little plastic tag that said “Get well soon!”

Without a second thought, I purchased it.

Then, I went to the ICU and slumped down in the waiting room. I sat there through lunch. I could not find the will to get up and go get something to eat. I just wanted to see Jason.

Thankfully, Claudia, Jason’s old nurse, kept me updated. She would pop out every once in a while to tell me how Jason was doing.

Early that morning, Jason’s condition suddenly dropped, and he had been rushed into intensive care. They had to put him under to keep him from coughing and wrecking his delicate state.

He was stable at the moment, but that could easily change. I pleaded with the nurses and doctors to let me see him.

Finally, Claudia took pity on me (or maybe the stuffed cat I was strangling to death) and let me in.

“You have one hour,” she warned. “He’s not going to wake up, so don’t try to wake him up.”

Claudia led me to Jason’s room and left me alone there.

Jason was hooked up to several machines again. He had an oxygen mask over his face, and he looked extremely pale.

I dragged the chair that was in the corner of the room next to Jason’s bedside. Then, I sat down.

I touched Jason’s hand. It felt frail and cold. Just by touching Jason, I knew. Jason was not getting better. Quite the opposite, he was dying.

I grabbed the stuffed cat and stared at it, stroking its short black fur. “It’s for you,” I whispered, even though Jason could not hear me. “I know it’s not quite like the real thing, but… he’ll probably hurt you less,” I said with a soft laugh. “Hug him when you miss me, ‘kay?”

I tucked the cat into the crook of Jason’s arm.

“You’ll probably hate me for doing this, but I have to,” I continued, taking Jason’s hand in mine. “Even if I did not owe you my life, I love you too much to let you die. I- I just can’t… watch you die,” I said, feeling tears well up. “This is me being selfish, Jay. I’m so sorry, but I _can’t_ lose you.”

_So he’s going to lose you instead. Some boyfriend you are._

_I love him._

_And yet you hurt him. He won’t forgive you for it._

_I don’t need him to forgive me. He can curse me to the ends of the earth if he wishes. I won’t be around to hear it anyway._

My hour was up too quickly. I let myself be ushered out of the hospital. However, right after, I transformed and snuck back inside.

I leaped up onto Jason’s bed, curling up on his chest, listening to his weak heartbeat. He did not have very long left.

I hid under his bed when the doctors came in to check on his condition. When they left, I transformed, for the last time.

I hovered over Jason, trying to memorize every single detail about him. I wished he did not have to use an oxygen mask to breathe. Then, I could at least kiss him one last time.

Instead, however, I kissed Jason’s forehead.

I sat down next to him and rested my head against his stomach, turning to face him. I took a deep breath and thought back on the past year, about everything that had happened to me.

~

I am just the descendent of a cat god.

But I am different from other cats. I am special because I have _him_.

I promised I would not leave him until I fulfilled my life debt to him. And I received so much more than that. I had been given the chance to stay by his side until my final life. But what I am doing now is more than fulfilling the life debt. This is me being selfish because he is my everything.

The one I love more than anything in the world.

I will save him.

I am happy.

* * *

Jason’s eyes flutter open, and he inhales sharply. His nose fills with the harsh smell of the hospital. He groans softly and turns his head to the side to glance at the digital clock by the side of his hospital bed.

_12:04 AM  
January 1, 2019_

Jason laughs weakly. He glances down, where Dick had fallen asleep on Jason’s stomach, his head turned towards Jason. There is a small smile on Dick’s face, and silky black hair had fallen in front of his eyes.

“That can’t possibly be comfortable, Dickie. You’ll be complaining about a sore neck later,” Jason whispers. “It’s a new year now, love. A new year, a new slate, free from all the mistakes and worries of the year before,” he continues. A small smile eases onto his face. “This will be a good year for us, I know it.” Dick does not seem to hear him, but Jason finds quiet confessions to a partner’s sleeping face something romantic.

He realizes that Dick must have been so tired sitting by Jason’s bedside, worrying and waiting for Jason to wake up.

He is glad Dick looks so at peace now. He looks ethereal, and so, so beautiful. Jason’s heart skips a beat and a loving smile graces his own face. He knows he should let Dick sleep, but it has been a couple days since he has seen Dick’s blue eyes and sweet smile. He supposes that Dick must have a lot to tell him. He would not mind having Dick’s soft voice lull him to sleep.

He reaches over and rests his hand on top of Dick’s head. He gently strokes Dick’s hair, feeling the silky strands. He brushes the hair out of Dick’s face.

Dick looks so peaceful, Jason feels bad for waking him.

He touches Dick’s cheek.

It is ice cold.

A sharp spike of fear stabs into his heart. “Dickie?” Jason asks, his voice trembling slightly. Jason pats Dick’s cheek a couple times. Dick does not move. Dick is a light sleeper. He wakes to the slightest touches. “Dick!”

Jason can hear the heart monitor going crazy, but he does not care. The nurses will come running in here soon enough. They may be able to help Dick because he is _not waking up_.

“No, no,” Jason says, struggling to sit up. He grabs Dick’s hand, sobbing aloud to find it cold as well. Dick has never gone cold before. Previously, when Dick died, he had not been dead for more than an hour or two, not long enough for his body to lose all its heat. “Please wake up, Dickie. _Please_ , not now. It’s a new year, darling,” he whispers, pressing Dick’s cold, pale hand to his trembling lips. “Dick, _no_. You promised, Dickie, you- you _promised_ me,” he says, his voice cracking in the end.

Dick does not answer. His closed eyes and small smile remain frozen on his face.

Even after the nurses and doctors confirm it, Jason finds himself unable to accept it.

His love, his light, his darling with nine lives… cannot possibly be dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Then Jason becomes the Red Hood and goes to extreme extents to bring back his beloved kitty cat, which may or may not include a Lazarus Pit)
> 
> All that medical stuff is pretty much completely made up. I couldn't find enough information on the treatment of pneumonia in more drastic stages so I just started making stuff up.
> 
> Happy new year, everyone! Bless you and all your loved ones in 2019! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a BL comic I read once upon a time but can no longer find. I never forgot it because it made me cry bucket loads of tears.


End file.
